A Big Fat Rant, I’m Sorry Everyone

I have to get this off my chest before I explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had my second interview today and it was meant to be easier than the one before. I fucking wish! Massive apologies go out to all, I’m going to have the rant of the century.

1. Why the hell didn’t I get the nice, quirky interviewers from yesterday?! They were nice awesome people who completely and utterly understood me and the way my brain works, the interviewers who praised me for being ‘fascinating’ and ‘abstract’.

2. How is it relevant to ask if the Nazi’s were the ‘elephant in the room’? I know this is Oxford but fucking hell, please! Even if I knew what was meant by an elephant in the room, I still wouldn’t know how to answer your godforsaken question!!!

3. Why on earth do they make us interviewees sit on a sofa whilst we’re being interviewed? Its so bloody comfortable you can’t think!!

4. I knew this was going to go wrong at some point, and today was it. I am literally kicking myself, because I was frightened as hell and they knew it. One of the guys was like a rottweiler with a bone, tearing away at me until I wanted to cry

5. Not once in these last 2 days of interviews have I been asked the questions I was told to expect. So all of that preparation done on why I wanted to study history, why I wanted to go to LMH and why I wanted to go to Oxford in the first place was pointless. My interviews at this college are over now, so I’ve gone and wasted all of my time revising for something I didn’t need! Grrrrrrrrrrrr

6. My bloody radiator still isn’t working, after being here for 2 days in the freezing cold up here with a draughty window right by my desk, where I spend most of my time. So instead of a radiator, I have an electric heater plugged into the wall that smells like gas and looks so rickety it probably isn’t that far away from setting the room alight.

Worst mood ever, its so annoying. And after having the best day ever yesterday. I know after that pathetic excuse of an interview that they probably won’t offer me a place. And that makes me hate myself more than you could possibly imagine, as well as hating those who will undoubtedly make the decision.

Need to go find a cup of tea and some chocolate before I combust, I hate today

xx

Greetings from a land far far away

Greetings from a land far far away, and by that I mean Oxford. Never thought I’d find a place so full of geeks, and people more antisocial than I am! To be honest, I don’t think I’m liked all that much for being a commoner, but I don’t care. I made it here and that’s all that matters. No one was expecting me to get an interview, but I did. So you posh lar-de-dah cretins, stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Have met some lovely people today though, one guy I started talking to because his mum introduced us, how cute. He’s a northerner, so like me has the whole accent issue, and like me he’s the only person applying from his school, which is also a comprehensive. So Jack is officially in my good books, with our little group of Classicists/Historians who broke away from the clique to spin on spinny chairs and chat about how we got to this stage of applying to Oxford, and our travel stories.

Am now sitting in my drafty room (drafty albeit awesome room) at the lovely old desk in a spinny chair writing this blog post. I actually fancied being social but everyone’s disappeared, and I haven’t really gelled with my corridor neighbours. So tempted to yell at them ‘iz it coz I iz common yea?’ just to see their reactions. Well stuff them, they can have their own little clique, and I shall bugger right off. I’m not that bothered by their childish games. Its more of a testament that I’ve made it this far than it is for them. No one was expecting this of me, so have that!

Found out from the meeting our group had with the history tutors who would be interviewing us over the next few days that there were around 30 of us and only 8 places at this college for next year! I’m praying I’m one of them, this college is amazing. From the minute I got into the taxi at the station in Oxford, I loved the city. From the moment I got out of the taxi, I loved LMH. I just hope that LMH loves me.

First interview is tomorrow at 11:10am, got to be down for breakfast at 7:30 though, register at 8:30, pick up the article I need to read at 9 and analyse for the interview at 9:10 before the actual interview.

Uh oh, kill me now or wish me luck, whichever one you think I’ll need most

xx

NaNoWriMo, Schoolwork, Tests, Uni Offers and Sleep

Sorry for having not posted in a while, have been supremely busy.

Happy Guy Fawkes’ Night/Bonfire Night to all reading this. I’ll be sitting at home annoyed at the noise and sleeping, sheltered from the chilliness and potential rain. I really don’t do well outside when its cold or raining. I use it as an excuse to hole myself up in my room with a good book and some music, wrapped up warm and relaxing. Which in a way makes me love winter 🙂

I had my History Aptitude Test on Wednesday for Oxford. My application is riding on a good score in that. I really do sincerely hope that I’ve done okay in the exam despite having a major headache and the shakes. I think it went reasonably well, and I grasped the use of the sources well. We shall have to wait and see. According to Buzz Lightyear, I shall find out whether I have done well enough to get an interview. I really hope I have, the more I think about it, the more I want to go to Oxford, simply for the academia. It would be heaven to a history geek like me. If I don’t get in, it won’t be the end of the world, but I would really like to get the opportunity to go. I probably wouldn’t fit in there with my fondness for swear words at inopportune moments and my pronunciation of some words which is occasionally comically common. But I think I would love every minute.

Spent the majority of my Friday night last night reading a book about the Nazi’s, because I know how to live right? Thought so, only cool kids do that (in the sarcastic sense) and doing some source work on Weimar Germany, which was fun (I’m lying). Spent my morning writing my history essay on the Cold War, which was freakishly long and a pain in the bum, but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Hoping for a better grade than a C on that (I got a C last time and almost had a nervous breakdown – C’s are an alien concept to me). Going to spend the rest of my day doing some reading with the music on and doing some more writing for my NaNoWriMo novel.

Quick intro to the concept of NaNoWriMo. Its a writing challenge where you write a 50,000 word novel in the 30 days that make up November. Its easier than it sounds, and no there isn’t a prize if you manage it. It exists so that you can write in a hurry without the focus for perfection. You just write, and you don’t edit until December. I did it last year and decided to do it again this year because of how much I enjoyed it and the finished product. Currently, in the 5 days that there have been in November, I’ve written 10,002 words. I plan on writing another 5,000 odd words today and tomorrow, preferably all today. But it all depends on whether I get writers block. Usually happens, and I can never figure how to get it to go.

So here is the synopsis for my story. Predictably, its history based (what else were you expecting from me lol?)

Lady Matilda Beauchamp, Countess of Pembroke is cousin to the King of England, Henry VIII. She returns from France after being sent there for 2 years to lap up the sumptuous lifestyle at the English court that being the cousin of the King provides. After keeping a promise to her cousin of remaining pure and virtuous, she is promised a husband. Placing her whole future in the hands of her dearest cousin was something she did not need to think twice about. His judgement is everything to her. His Majesty declares that no man, whether noble or otherwise, no matter how powerful they are, are permitted to make her his mistress, for her virtue must remain intact. And so the King must find her a husband. As he searches for noble men appropriate for her hand, he notices a blossoming romance between his cousin and closest friend. Will he allow this love to blossom? Or will things have a way of hastening themselves, making the conclusion inevitable, for Matilda’s future and her reputation? To avoid scandal or welcome it is the decision that must be made.7

Oooooooh I wonder. I may post a chapter of it up on here at some point, once I’ve finished it. Perhaps I will post a chapter a day in December until I get to the end of the story.

For a while now my UCAS has been sent off, and have started to get offers back. I’ve got one from UWE (University of the West of England in Bristol) of 320 points, which is the equivalent of ABB, and Brunel, who have offered me BBB. I’m incredibly happy to have received offers from them. I am waiting on 3 more offers, one from Oxford (which if I do get one, I probably won’t get until January), Bristol and Kent. Fingers crossed, am really holding out for Oxford and Kent, they’re my favourites :)7

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I’ll be doing a lot of sleeping, have been put on new drugs for my hypermobile achy joints, which predictably aren’t working but are giving me drowsy sleepy side effects. That made driving yesterday fun….

xx

Amy’s Amazing Birthday Week, Damn Thumbs and Nan’s Home From Hospital

Its been a really positive week for me in parts, despite people I care about swanning off to university and leaving me here jealous of the fact I can’t go yet 😛 its also had its negative parts, but the positive parts surely outweigh the downsides.

This week has been Amy’s birthday week and its been such an awesome one. Since her birthday on Wednesday we’ve had scoffing penis cake (oh yes, Catherine’s dirty minded bakery was genius), fairy cakes, going to Prezzo’s for a meal and funny times with all the guys and girls back at Amy’s with alcohol, the pervert and the Wii 🙂 Brilliant times, I just wish I’d drank more than 2 drinks lol 😛

My thumbs have been really playing up these past 2 days, which is frustrating because I haven’t really had problems with partially dislocating my thumbs for about a year. I thought that my hypermobility had eased off a bit in that respect, but obviously not. I hate this bloody condition, its the bane of my existence and no one seems to take it seriously that I’m in constant pain. Its become so bad at the moment that simply trying to grip something, even lightly, makes it hurt all over again 😦

And I’m getting a cold, which sucks. But hopefully it doesn’t get too much worse, otherwise I shall end up really grumpy and snapping at people, which I hate doing because I hate feeling like a bitch.

Nice happy news though, my nan has been allowed to go home from hospital after having her operation. She’s a bit sore but she looks really well and is keeping positive 🙂 I just hope she can deal with my grandad worrying about her and treating her like a china doll.

Feeling completely unprepared for the History Aptitude Test on the 2nd November, and feel like no one actually knows what to do. Its a really scary thought that I’m pretty much out on my own and my application being successful rests on a good score in this test. I feel like there’s no one there to help me prepare for it and its starting to make me panic an extreme amount. Going to Oxford is my dream, it always has been since I was 13. Some people dream of becoming doctors or firemen, but all I’ve ever wanted to do is be able to study at Oxford. It would be a history nerds paradise to live and study in such a beautiful city with such a rich history, tons of books and thousands of similarly minded geeks.

Have an overwhelming urge to sleep due to my sister’s snoring on the sofa but have to stay awake as am at my nans and am becoming the only supervision for my sister, because everyone’s gone for a nap. Keeping fingers crossed for chinese later because I have a craving for chicken and sweetcorn soup (truly the food of the gods, especially with prawn crackers)

On the off chance that Catherine gives Mr Armsby the url for this blog on Monday and he finds this post. Hi Sir, I’m disappointed you couldn’t find it on your own. Welcome to my blog, feel free to violate my life and innermost thoughts. If you look far back enough you’ll see your nickname is Buzz Lightyear. Don’t think I need to explain why 😛

Xx

Being told I temporarily don’t have a job, feeling super lazy, coming down with a cold and NaNoWriMo 2011 :D

Title’s pretty self explanatory I guess.

I was told that I temporarily don’t have a job as my manager (my mum’s friend who got me the job) is off sick indefinitely. So employment shall have to wait until she’s back. I am very worried about her though and hope she gets better soon (for selfish as well as unselfish reasons). Get well soon Cheryl, love you lots ❤

I have been very lazy for this past week, all I’ve wanted to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep. Have usually resisted until bed time, apart from Friday where I almost fell asleep in history (but almost the entire class did so I cannot be held accountable for that). So today I have surrendered to my laziness and am in bed. I did plan on not getting up till lunchtime but my mum scuppered my plans by waking me up at half 9 in the morning to help clean out our rabbits. I’m now back in bed, yay.

I am really looking forward to the next 2 months or so, it has to be said, despite the fact they will be extremely hectic, busy and possibly stressful.

• Meal with the EFYCers on Tuesday to say goodbye to our councillors who are stepping down. Going to miss them all as they take on new challenges. They’ll no longer be around to brighten our meetings, chat to me in the taxi and have funny inside jokes with 😦 But I wish them the best of luck at uni 😀
• Meal with my friends on Friday to wish Amy a very happy happy 19th birthday 😀 Staying around Amy’s afterwards with Keely for a girly night, can’t wait 🙂
• Finally finishing my personal statement and sending off my Oxford application…..scary!
• Seminar in Canary Wharf on October 6th in preparation for my trip to Auschwitz 🙂
• Trip to Auschwitz on the 18th October 🙂
• Follow up seminar in Canary Wharf again on the 31st October
• Starting the National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) challenge on November 1st. I did this last year and it was really rewarding. Essentially you write a 50,000 novel in 30 days 🙂 Sounds impossible but it actually is doable 🙂
• Oxford History Aptitude Test on November 2nd – Have mixed feelings about this if I’m honest. Part of me cannot wait to prepare for what I’m sure will be the biggest academic challenge of my life that will push my brain to the limits, part of me is absolutely scared of failure. I can’t really ‘fail’ the exam per se, but the bottom 20% are automatically deselected. I also need to really shine in this exam because I have a lot of things playing against me in my bid to study at Oxford. So, in short, I cannot fuck this one up.

Too much stuff, probably not enough time. But I’ll face it head on 😀

xx

Feeling Happy Happy Happy

Yes I realise I’m a complete douche for neglecting my blog and not posting in days, I have been a mixture of busy and under the weather.

Upside, I have lots of stuff to be happy about, and I shall share these with you today:

• Oxbridge application – As far as I know (and do correct me if I’m wrong, I only know what I’ve been told), I’m the only student from our year applying. I feel like I’ve had a new lease of life since I was told to apply on Wednesday. I feel exhilirated and energised now that people are supporting me and believing in me. Even if I don’t get there, I’m sure attempting the journey will be enjoyable.

• Personal statement – Today I’ve been told that my personal statement is near completion on its 4th draft, just a few things to sort out, and whatever the Oxbridge coordinator suggests I add. Once that’s done, I can start on preparation for the History Aptitude Test, which is on November 2nd, so not too far away. That part scares me the most, but I’ve been promised help to prepare for it because its such a confusing exam and relies on your skills rather than your knowledge.

• I have a job. The pay’s not going to be too amazing, and a 10 hour shift on a Saturday certainly will suck, but I’m in desperate need of a job and money so I will not be complaining.

• Its 4 weeks and 6 days until I go to Poland to visit Auschwitz, which I’m really looking forward to 🙂

• There is music to sing and dance to, and my IPod is cooperating with me so I’m in a splendidly chipper mood.

• I have the chance to help other people with their personal statements, which I will embrace because I love to help people 🙂

• People have faith in my capabilities and believe in me, which makes my mood even better.

I just have so many things to be happy for and so many lovely things to look forward to 🙂

Fingers and everything crossed for my nan, who will be having her surgery in the next few weeks to sort out her breast cancer. And to my beautiful Auntie Justine, I love you lots and hope you keep strong. It makes me sad to think that the people I love are suffering, but hope is in my every heartbeat that they face their illnesses head on and never give up 🙂 ❤

In honour of my nan and Auntie Justine’s bravery, I plan on getting a tattoo of the pink breast cancer ribbon as a reminder of the ordeal they suffer and for the realisation that it may happen to anyone.

xx

Back To School Again

Almost feels like an outbreak of the Beatle’s Maxwell’s Silver Hammer (sorry if the song lyrics escape you and/or you have no idea what I’m talking about). But yes, today has been an odd sort of day.

Being my first day back at sixth form, I was kind of excited to see everyone again and catch up but kind of apprehensive about the workload and impending doom of UCAS, exams and becoming a severe workaholic to the point of my short life coming to an end.

Managed to annoy my form tutor, get annoyed at my form tutor and have a decent conversation with a teacher I was convinced I hated but actually I now have a lot of respect for for being the only teacher who will give me a straight answer to a question. Seriously, spent almost the entirety of my day weighing up the pros and cons of applying to Oxford. I was told not to bother, but apparently my AS results makes it slightly different. I wanted to know whether it was worth applying, did I stand a chance? All I got was ‘its your choice/decision’. I cannot respond to that, I need to know if its worth it, and it seems only Mr Taylor could give me an answer that wasn’t ‘you decide’. So with his help, I have. Whether I get there or not, at least I won’t live in regret wondering what if I did get in (and I agree wholeheartedly with Mr Cleland’s assessment of that from today lol).

Useless sort of day really, only had one lesson, which was history, and two frees. Had to wait around for Keely because she had lessons when I had frees. Ah well, can’t go home without my designated driver. Jesus Christ I need to hurry up and pass my test before I die or get too old to get behind the wheel. Slight dramatisation, but I really do suck an incredible amount.

I also wish that  people would learn manners and learn not to get angry at people who have done nothing wrong. Just something to consider (Most people who have spoken to me today will realise who this is aimed at)

xx