My Mum’s Version Of Scrabble

So it’s been your bog standard Saturday, although there’s been a distinct lack of talking to Catherine as she has no signal so we can’t keep in touch whilst she’s in Wales. Turns out the only place she could get signal was part way up Mount Snowdon.

Did a little bit of shopping with limited funds and came home to a nice relaxing bath and dinner.

After dinner with mum, her bf and two sisters, we decided to get the scrabble out.

My mum became a giggling wreck when she realised she could make the word ‘Dildo’. She wasn’t quite sure whether it was technically a word in the English dictionary and so looked it up, turns out it was and the definition was ‘a substitute for an erect penis’. Right……so she put the word down, as seen in this picture:

Oh deary me, but things could only get worse.

On her next go, she realised that she could make the word ‘arse’ with the letters she had. So she did:

Again with the cringe factor. On her next go, she realised she could make the word ‘boner’….so off she went again like a retarded and stupid giggling child:

It goes without saying, I am never playing scrabble with my mum again when she’s in a mood like she was tonight.

xx

11th March Catch Up

Went to a formal dinner on Friday, it was pretty cool as it went, if not a bit weird.

Dressed up in black tie, there was a Toastmaster and Master of Ceremonies that introduced us into this room of people, lots of handshaking, introductions and formal talk before a 3 course meal and awards ceremony. Not too shabby I’ve got to admit.

Met some amazing politicians at the Epping Forest District Council Awards and some great people, including the citizen and young citizen of the year 2011.

Ended up accepting an award on someone’s behalf as they weren’t there, that wasn’t daunting at all, and it was being filmed.

Great night overall though, although some people’s table manners, general etiquette and general conversation making need severe work. Some people just have no tact and no class.

xx

Results Day

So, today was results day for our January exams. I’m not gonna lie, I was amazingly nervous. My hands were literally shaking as I heard the bell go signalling for us to go into assembly. So I got up and started walking to assembly with Catherine, humming that weird depressing funeral song and remarking to everyone about the ‘dead man walking’ walk we were doing to the assembly hall, looking depressed.

We all sat down and made small talk about being nervous etc, Tamara actually threatening to kill me because I was panicking and it was unsettling her.

Then the bell went, I started humming the Mission Impossible theme tune as we stood up. Getting the results was getting closer and closer, and we were all getting nervous and nervous. The people around me couldn’t help but laugh, because I was right. Getting our results was feeling like Mission Impossible.

After a huge cock-up which included some people having their results and others being lost so needing reprinting, we got our results.

I got results for Sociology and General Studies, the exams for which I took in January.

Sociology – 76/80 = 95% = A

General Studies = 86/100 = 86% = A

Severe wave of relief, I’m feeling extremely happy. No resits for me 😀

Came home and made soup, because I’m such a cool kid. Because I’m an even cooler kid, I made two saucepans of different soup at the same time. Because I’m an amazing multi tasker.

xx

The Day That Ended Up Being One Big Long Extended Innuendo

Innuendos are actually shaping my life, and it’s becoming ridiculous. I now cannot hear something supposedly innocent without my mind giving it a dirty connotation.

I had a banana type case thing – made of plastic and designed to stop your banana from going mouldy during the day. The amount of jokes of a sexual nature I got from that little bit of plastic was amazing.

Banana innuendos/various other comedy included:

• Ooooh it’s a bit bent – Catherine referring to the fact that the banana is actually a bent shape, comparing it to something rude as always.
• Your banana’s too big – Because my banana had trouble fitting into it’s plastic case. Catherine being Catherine made it about sex again.
• Catherine making it look like a penis by strategically placing it
• Using it as a phone
• Using it as a gun and it looking extremely wrong
• You’ve stolen my banana, give it back!!! – When Catherine stole my banana on the way out of Piano Man’s classroom.

But oh it wasn’t just about the banana, everyone was at it today (no innuendo intended) with the innuendos, even the teachers.

For example:

• A regular favourite of ours is modifying innuendo to in-your-end-oh to make the word innuendo into yet another innuendo
• Looking in Piano Man’s desk drawer for my folder, he came in and said ‘what are you going through my drawers for?’ sending Catherine into hysterics. Don’t think he noticed the banana in my hand and the sandwich in my mouth at that point. Very fetching.
• The various banana comments
• Formtime, hearing someone talking about squirting and spraying, making Piano Man’s eyes go wide because he heard it just as wrongly as I did.

There were many others but I can’t remember them.

Conversations of the day:

• When a guy hugs a girl for a few minutes, he’s trying to gauge how big her boobs are. We consulted a guy friend on this one, he backed up the idea and was like yeah guys do it. Therefore we are right. This was a random lunchtime chat with Lulu, Catherine and Doctor Who Fanatic.
• Winding up Skittles by awwwwwing at his organisation, then my threatening to kill him because he supports Tottenham and I’m an Arsenal girl myself (I realised how wrong that sounded)
• Discussing in media how we can sex up our trailer to make guys want to watch it, there was talk of lesbianism lol, we’re too weird to function xD

But today has just been one of those hilariously funny and borderline perverted days.

Results of January module exams tomorrow, better start writing that cheque for the resits bill

xx

Forgotten Again, Please Shoot Me For My Sieve Memory

Someone needs to remind me to post on this bloody thing occasionally, because my brain is so preoccupied that posting on my blog seems to take a second priority. Sorry for how sparse my posting has been, there isn’t any other reason apart from the fact that I forgot.

But for the moment, I don’t have any work to do in my free (because I’m too lazy to go and get my media folder to do the work I have to do in that), I thought I’d post.

The fact that I have basically no work to do is quite a funny thing, because I’m always complaining how much homework I have, but I usually churn it out at the weekend. Usually people do the opposite of that and get their work done during the week so they can have a rest at the weekend. But because I have no social life, the roles seem to have been reversed.

Form tutor yesterday described me as ‘like a machine’ because I seem to get the work done so quickly before everyone else, simply because I finished my key skills portfolio before everyone else. Hardly rocket science, its not my fault that people are lazy and I’m the only one who seems to be working at anything but a snails pace. It was literally a load of copying and pasting documents and printing them off then filling out a form. Oh so tricky. But I love how people label me as a supergeek because I’m not as lazy as them. Apparently what I did was not normal. Sureeeeee it isn’t.

Catherine still insists on freaking me out on a three times daily basis at the very least, usually in the mornings before I go to form, at lunch before I go to form, and before I go to bed. Her freaking me out weapon of choice? Usually making me imagine random things about Piano Man before I go to form and have to face him. And having those images before you close your eyes to go to sleep is pure disturbance.

A love of mine recently? Innuendos. I find them grossly entertaining albeit quite disturbing at the same time. Me, Catherine and Lulu are constantly banging them out (see what I did there?). My mind used to be relatively innocent until meeting those two, and in the last few months they’ve succeeded in corrupting my mind with dirtiness.

Example right here from last week: Form tutor asked Panda-Bear how her half term was, she was like it was good thanks, yours? He replied, spent it with kids. Everyone knew that he was on an Italy trip with the younger years, yet that justified what he said. But my dirty mind whispered to me in a pervy voice ‘PAEDOPHILE’ and I burst out laughing. My form realised what I was thinking and burst out laughing, before my form tutor finally gauged what was going on. He looked to be in pure shock actually, and was like ‘Bloody hell Ellis, you have a dirty mind’, then made it worse by saying ‘it was only Yr11’s’ sending me into a laughing fit and forcing me to retort with ‘that only makes it slightly less illegal’. He kept remarking that it was ‘always the quiet ones you have to watch’. Since when have I ever been quiet?!?!?!?

Horoscope forecast says that today’s going to be stormy, who have I offended now?

xx

Intuition

I realised today that most of the things I know, I’m not quite sure how I know them. Most of them are just random facts that have no use to me whatsoever half the time. Like the fact that the Queen owns the Corgi breed of dogs. How does this shit remain in my brain?

But some stuff that I do know or that I pick up on, I really can’t explain, I just put it down to perception and a strong sense of intuition. For some random unknown reason, I pick up an extreme amount on how people are feeling and what mood they’re in, and this always seems to have an effect on me. I’m a typical Piscean I guess, I’m more about other people than myself.

But I have this strange thing about vibes and picking up on them. I don’t know how I do it and I don’t know if there’s a conscious process that goes on, but it does seem to happen. I feel like I’m very tuned in to my surroundings and am good at picking up on these things.

It could be something supernatural, or it could just be that I know people and places too well and can pick up on these changes.

xx

Time To Be Myself (Crazy and Cool)

So:

• Mum and her boyfriend have gone out to the cinema
• 13 year old sisters staying at her friends
• 7 year old sister is staying at her dads

Therefore, I have the house to myself.

Out comes the mixed CD’s I have playing randomly on the sound system downstairs as loud as I can bear, I’m now sitting in the computer chair in the dining room like a Don because it spins and is high. Out comes the Um Bongo, remember that drink? It was purely amazing in the 90’s, and now it’s back, I’m ecstatic, so I bought all of the shops stock of them, which turned out to be 8 bottles 😛

Laptops out, blackberry’s by my side and I’m chatting to my people randomly. I love times like these.

Spoke to Leo today, didn’t get the job that he wanted so he’s still looking for one. In a way I’m happy because the job was pretty far away, but I’m kinda sad for him because he was really beating himself up about it. Felt so sorry for him and just wanted to give him a huge hug.

Homework’s done even though I left one of the books I needed for one of my essay’s at school in my locker. Didn’t matter too much though, just got Lulu to text me the info I couldn’t remember. Simples *does the Meerkat squeak*

Such a good mood even though I have a neck/shoulder ache and toothache.

When Mum and her bf get home, I’m gonna kick his ass at scrabble and show him how we geeks play the game: ruthlessly.

xx

Ummmm I need a new memory

I’m sorry yet again, remembering to post on here seems to have evaded me for a whole 4 days. Whoopsie.

Have been kind of busy and tired and ill etc etc, sorry

That’s the day to day life of a sixth former, busy busy busy

Healthy Eating, Severe A-Holes, Protective Sisterness and House

Well you could say that today has been a better day than other days. Last night, I finally got my birthday message from Leo, better late than never. I told him about the moving plans, and he was like ‘whoa, the drive’s gonna be tough, you’re brave’. Thanks so much to him for reassuring me and calming me down in the way he does. It also annoyed me slightly that he didn’t remember my birthday until he saw my profile and all of the birthday messages from Sunday. I know he’s been busy, but come on! His birthday is practically engraved onto my memory. But nevertheless I was deliriously happy that he was speaking to me and I could vent at him about everything that’s been bugging me. And he listened, and tried to calm me down and make me think of the good parts, except for the whole driving business. He eventually had to go to prepare for a job interview, and so I left with a smile on my face.

Have been on a healthy eating kick since my making soup from scratch yesterday using all of the vegetables I could find. Today had fruit at school and those little cherry tomatoes. Came home and had bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar (olive oil’s really good for you apparently, and the combination is yummy). Was still hungry so had more fruit salad, yum yum. Finally gelt hungry enough at about 6 to eat my dinner, bangers and mash, didn’t get too far though.

Been annoyed today though, sister’s dad kicked off and started saying that he was going to call the Police and Social Services on my Mum because she went to see her boyfriend and left me to babysit. Ummm, no twat, that’s completely within the law given that I’m 17. And he’s apparently worried about my sister for being out. She’s 13 and went to the shops quickly. Caused a huge argument now he’s now allowed in our house anymore. Way to go him, the stupid man who’s dim. So I played the protective sister and made sure he left, doing a lot of screaming and shouting.

Am now in bed watching House MD, love that show 😀

xx