Spiceisms

I’ve realised that because I’m so eternally cool and come up with the randomest things, I should dedicate an entire section to my words of wisdom, otherwise known as Spiceisms

Spicer on Philosophy – My new mantra: Stay Strong ♥

Spicer on Philosophy Take 2 – Perhaps I should rename myself Confucious, or would that be confusing?

Spicer on Life – Sum up my life? A lot of random cells in a lot of random places leading to one random individual with one randomly unique outlook on life. How awkwardly bizarre it is to be me.

Spicer on Religion – There is no God but me, as always I joke….tbh I don’t believe there’s any supreme power out there controlling everything, otherwise the world wouldn’t be the …stupidly annoyingly evil place that it is (now is not the time to say it’s the work of the devil, a Jehovah’s witness said that to me once….meh)

Spicer on Jehovah’s Witnesses – I was woken up by a Jehovah’s witness wearing a big red hat and scary eyeliner. She looked like a baby killer. She said she was here to talk about suffering. I said, ‘you’ve woken me up, at this hour, when I’m not well. You’ve increased my suffering, I hope God’s happy you’ve shared this with me’ and shut the door.

Spicer on Jehovah’s Witnesses Take 2 – A Jehovah’s witness tried to convert me on my doorstep. I simply said ‘that I cannot do, a blood transfusion saved my life, I don’t fancy dying if I need another one because of your beliefs’. Lesson to all: Bullshitting works.

Spicer on Relaxation Methods – Be a hippy, turn on your hypnotherapy cd, light a candle, inhale an incense stick, cleanse your aura and keep a crystal close by; new age hippydom rocks

Spicer on Freaky Occult/Supernatural Instinct Stuff – Your aura is looking especially purple today, are you having spiritual thoughts?

Spicer on Her Sanity – ‘I have a voice in my head called Charlie, we play word association together’

Spicer on Idiots – ‘I could have a more intellectually stimulating conversation with a teaspoon, you should hear what this one thinks of Guantanamo Bay, whoa!! What’s Guantanamo Bay you ask? Its where they lock up retards like you for being a disgrace to intelligence

Spicer on Politics – I didn’t like Stalin and I didn’t like Hitler, I don’t like Tory and I don’t like Labour, but on principle, I believe in helping people, therefore I hover around here in centre left like a good little undecisive nerd 8)

Spicer on Innuendos – A dirty comment a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor’s cute, skip the innuendos and go find a cupboard 😉

Spicer on Nuclear Power Plants and Chernobyl – All you need to know is that a big nuclear plant with bad radioactive stuff in it went boom, now random Ukrainians have extra arms, legs and vaginas, nuff said

Spicer on Atoms – The atoms family, dum dum dum dum

Spicer on the Cold War – It was cold, and there were snowmen, that’s all you need to know really

Spicer on Geeks – If you hate geeks so much and if you want to mock me for being one, I guess you don’t want my revision notes/homework to copy?

Spicer on Gingers – Face it Mum, you are going to have ginger grandchildren, get over your gingerphobia 😛

Spicer on her ‘Moments’ – ‘I’m so hyped it’s like I’m on LSE.’  ‘You mean LSD?’ ‘Umm yeah, bugger I’ve confused university with drugs again’