Yesterday was truly an emotional rollercoaster sort of day. I found out a few things, began to understand a few others and looked back to the past. It definitely opened my eyes to a few things, as well as drained me emotionally. But in a way I am glad I had the conversation I had yesterday.
Don’t want to divulge the details, but I am the sort of person who is a chronic ‘fixer’. I have never had any problem in admitting that. I try to fix my friends problems and be there for them as much as I can. But recently I have found there are things I can’t fix. It is difficult to acknowledge that and it frustrates me, but I now have some understanding and I feel less useless. I’ve realised that in situations like these, all you can do is be there.
Yesterday was also the 6th anniversary of my Great Uncle George’s death. He and I were really close, so it makes sense that the memories I’ve shared with him were on my mind for most of the day. My mood was rising and falling, and I may have been a bit unnecessarily snippy with people at points. What annoyed me is that no one apart from me remembered that yesterday 6 years ago we lost him. It kind of hurt, not even my nan remembered, and she was his sister.
I have a lot of pent up issues when it comes to his and my Great Nan’s death. The main reason is that I didn’t know they had been ill until they died and I wasn’t allowed to go to their funerals. This was my dad’s side of the family’s desperate bid to protect me from the melancholy of the situation, but it made it worse. I never got the closure that a funeral gives and I didn’t get the chance to properly mourn. So their deaths to me are still as fresh as the day I was told.
I still get angry about the fact that I never got to mourn properly, despite it being done with the best of intentions.
A rollercoaster of a day, I hope today is better. In fact, I expect it to be a tad mundane. Homework, reading, food and Saturday night TV. Oh to be a sixth former with a cold and a workload.
xx
lifeofasixthformer 