“I’m a domestic goddess genius, I made soup, and tbh it was a culinary triumph”

Right, if you know anything about me you’d know that I am pretty much useless in any domestic activity that’s not sitting in front of the TV, lifting the remote or prising myself off the sofa or my bed to change the DVD. I don’t do cooking, cleaning or ironing of any description.

But I thought, well, I turned 17 yesterday, maybe it was time I learnt to cook for myself. This became a startling realisation that in a year and a half I’d be at university so I wouldn’t have a choice. That made me panic slightly, although a year and a half is a long time.

So when my sister’s dad, a greengrocer brought home loads of fruit and vegetables, my mind sung to me. Why don’t I make soup? It’s the only thing I’m actually quite good at, what a great thing to start with.

So I did, and about half an hour later, I produced the most amazing soup ever, with sweet potato, carrot, broccoli, mushrooms, spring onions and thyme. To be perfectly frank it tasted amazing, and that wasn’t just my skewed opinion, my mum agreed with me and went back for seconds.

I then made tea, only to realise that I’ve neglected my cup for the best part of an hour and now it’s gone cold. Time to heat it up in the microwave me thinks.

xx

Boyzone Concert

Hey guys, sorry I didn’t post last night, as the title suggests, I was at a Boyzone Concert.

It really was an amazing time with my mum and my sister, all of us singing really loudly.

They did a big tribute section to Stephen Gately, including using his original vocals on Gave It All Away, that said he wanted to live before he died. The irony was that he was dead not too long later. There were constant tributes to him from the band during the show, and it seems strange to say, but I felt a presence in the air when they sang a song for him, like when his friend from outside the band sang his parts and the band told stories about him, like when he stole a milk float to get them to the studio in time to make a music video. It was heartfelt and funny at the same time, and at points the audience were close to tears. It was almost as if he was with us there, in the crowds and with the band, enjoying the show and smiling at the stories told.

We came home a rather different way to the way we came after realising there was no buses from Loughton Station at the time we’d be back, so we went via Tottenham Hale and Waltham Cross, having to walk home from Waltham Cross. It was an experience I’ll say, my feet now hurt a mega amount, but whilst we were on the train, it reached midnight. So it was officially 27th February 2011. My 17th Birthday 😀

xx

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the girl in the hoodie shocked at her new-found fitness”

The title says it all really.

Cath was meant to be meeting me at the bus stop outside mine, but I think I made her panic, asking her if she’d gone past a pub called the Green Man. She said she had, so I started panicking and told her to get off the bus, she’d gone too far. But nope. She hadn’t gone far enough, in her zoned out-ness she thought that the pub she saw was the Green Man, turns out it was another one in the middle of the forest.

But I didn’t know that, so I ran from the bus stop as fast as I could down to the bottom of the hill, only to discover that she wasn’t there, but at the top of the hill right near the motorway. So, to avoid her getting anymore lost in a town she doesn’t know very well and hasn’t been to for a good few years, I ran for my life to the top of the hill to find her.

Afterwards, we had to walk all the way back to mine, and ended up trailing around Waltham Abbey like cool kids.

You have no idea how much my abs and my legs hurt right now. I had no idea that running could exercise your stomach muscles, maybe I should make running a regular thing….

“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the girl in the hoodie shocked at her new-found fitness”

News

This is a bit of a bittersweet day for me.

My mum and her new boyfriend have been loved up for a while and are talking about moving in together once I’d finished sixth form. So my mum would move us all to Chelmsford, where he lives. I couldn’t argue really because I’d be at uni, I don’t really care tbh.

But today the bombshell was dropped that they plan on moving in together this summer. Hello, I still have a year of school left then. Commuting from Waltham Abbey to Chingford is hard enough, but Chelmsford to Chingford? You must be joking!

So I threw a strop about it, and had 20 allegations of selfishness thrown back at me. Oh, its really selfish of me to want to finish my education with minimal trouble? There was talk of me moving schools. Uh, hello? Girl in the middle of her A-Levels here, can’t just move schools.

Eventually, after temper tantrums and rational discussion, this compromise was thought of. We move to Chelmsford, and my mum makes sure I can get it without having to rely on public transport. If I pass my test I should be driving by then, so they’ll make sure I have a car that’s insured and always full of petrol so I can drive myself to school.

Better than nothing I guess, I just wish we weren’t moving tbh. If we were moving anywhere I would’ve wanted it to be Chingford. That’s where all my closest friends are now.

xx

Shakespeare and Cool Geeks

Evening everyone, hope your half term is going brilliantly.

I haven’t left my house once today, I’ve hardly left my bedroom today, I’ve been feeling that shoddy. Today marks the one week anniversary of my cold, so I was not in the best of moods. Got woken up at 8am today by a phone call from my mum, who was stuck in traffic and needed me to watch the brat next door for a little while that she was meant to be looking after. So I grudgingly crawled out of bed and made a cup of tea, waiting for the kid to get here. Turns out she was running late so my mum was here before her. Great, I say as I roll my eyes, so it was absolutely pointless me getting out of bed? Upside, I made a cup of tea, but I would have preferred not to have been woken up in the first place.

So I thought, ah well, I got a good 9 hours sleep, it’s not too bad. And my tea was still too hot to drink, so I reasoned with myself that I’d stay awake long enough to drink my tea then I’d go back to bed. So to pass the time I watched last night’s Holby City that I missed for no reason apart from the fact that I talk to people too much and forget to keep an eye on the time. One tracked mind that I have. It was pretty good by all accounts actually, quite funny.

After an hour of Holby and a finished cup of tea, I was ready to hit the hay again. This cold has completely and utterly taken it out of me and quite frankly I’m exhausted. I bargained with myself, setting the alarm for 12 so that I could get up and do some work.

Those two and a bit hours of extra sleep were not enough, I still felt terrible. But, I needed to finish my Media mock exam essay and my essay for Corpus Christi College. Then, levelling with myself again, I promised myself a nap, at the very least a chill out period with a DVD.

Work got done, thank God, and I chatted with my friends for a while over BBM and such whilst watching Shakespeare in Love, but I was absolutely knackered, so went back to bed at 4, being woken up at 5 because dinner was ready. Ah well, its food, I can never turn down food even when I’m desperately ill. Didn’t finish much of it but c’est la vie.

Ended up talking to Cath again, my faithful lifelong BBMing partner. She was saying that I was a complete and utter geek, yet there was something about my geekiness that made me cool. I don’t really consider myself cool, I am just comfortable in my own skin and I know what I like. I’m a geek and I’m not ashamed to admit it. No one should have to be ashamed about who they are.

Ended up on a bit of a Shakespeare high, because I have a copy of his complete works and started reading his sonnets and other poetry. I love them, they capture romance and what it is to be in love in a few lines. To me, poetry is more difficult than novel writing because you have to say the most and capture the most feeling in a few words. I thought I’d share some of my favourites with you:

Those hours, that with gentle work did frame
The lovely gaze where every eye doth dwell,
Will play the tyrants to the very same
And that unfair which fairly doth excel:
For never-resting time leads summer on
To hideous winter and confounds him there;
Sap check’d with frost and lusty leaves quite gone,
Beauty o’ersnow’d and bareness every where:
Then, were not summer’s distillation left,
A liquid prisoner pent in walls of glass,
Beauty’s effect with beauty were bereft,
Nor it nor no remembrance what it was:
    But flowers distill’d though they with winter meet,
    Lose but their show; their substance still lives sweet

I really like this one personally because I can really identify with it. I really do envy the magic Shakespeare works with words. For me, I know in my heart what it’s like to have a perfect summer for things to only get worse when the winter comes.

As fast as thou shalt wane, so fast thou growest
In one of thine, from that which thou departest;
And that fresh blood which youngly thou bestow’st
Thou mayst call thine when thou from youth convertest.
Herein lives wisdom, beauty and increase:
Without this, folly, age and cold decay:
If all were minded so, the times should cease
And threescore year would make the world away.
Let those whom Nature hath not made for store,
Harsh featureless and rude, barrenly perish:
Look, whom she best endow’d she gave the more;
Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish:
   She carved thee for her seal, and meant thereby
   Thou shouldst print more, not let that copy die.

I like the fact that this sonnet deals with time and youth. It’s hard to explain why this sonnet reaches me, again it’s a very personal thing, individual to people. I particularly like this line ‘If all were minded so, the times should cease’. For me this means that not everyone can think the same way. We all think that the world would be so much simpler if we all thought along the same lines, something that would be forbidden wouldn’t be if everyone thought like us.

Well, those are my two favourites. I think I might read a new Shakespeare play tonight. So far I’ve read Romeo and Juliet and Much Ado About Nothing, I might get started on Sir Thomas More or Macbeth, umm, I mean the Scottish Play.

Hope you all have a good half term

xx

The Work Ethic Of An Ill Person Who Had The Most Amazing Day

So whilst people are having lives doing whatever it is that they do on a Tuesday night, I’m in bed with a husky man type voice that only comes from having a cold, a runny nose, a slight headache and aching limbs.

Have a guess what I’m doing now? Work. Strange that whenever I’m ill, the work juices just seem to flow. For example, when I had the flu over the Christmas Holidays, I sat in bed revising for Sociology and General Studies like a good little nerd. So here I am again in a similar predicament, trying to finish the essay I started God knows how long ago for a competition. It’s for Corpus Christi College, Cambridge, and to get even a commendation on it would look absolutely amazing on any application I make to any university. I’ve voluntarily doing this, what a way to win geek points.

Had the most amazing day from like 9am-1pm with my bitches. Was filming in a cemetery at 8am, not creepy at all (note sarcasm) with my media group and managed to get one take done before the camera battery died on us. Luckily, I hear from Rachel that it’s looking good and we probably won’t need to reshoot it. Great success.

Because the camera died so early in the day, we were finished by 8:30, so I called up Cat and Lulu and dragged them away from their beds for a day of whatever the hell really. Lulu gave me my bday present early, a David and Goliath ‘I ❤ Nerds’ t-shirt and jelly tots. Ended up whoring out Cat’s brothers oyster because he gets free buses and I don’t, up to the border of Chingford/Highams Park because Cat thought Skittles lived there. Maybe he did, but we didn’t find him. Was funny while it lasted. Ended up bussing it up to Walthamstow and wandering around, because we’re cool, and like the greedy children that we were, we ended up in KFC coz Lulu wanted her ‘black girl moment’.

So we were munching our way through our chicken like cool children and did a bit of shopping before getting bored with ‘Stow and ending up bussing it to Woodford Green, where Piano Man allegedly lives. We never even found his street lol, I was in too much pain by this point and hungry again, so I dragged them down to Debden for pie and mash. The looks on their faces as I scoffed down this amazing London meal was comical. I was so hungry it was literally gone in 60 seconds. Then Lulu thought, what the hell, I’ll just get a plate of mash, and scoffed that down lol xD They found it weird that the pie and mash shop sells eels as well, although I hate them, all slimy and urgh. There’s the picture, food of the Gods.

“Ahhh Taylor Swift you teenage pop sensation, why are you always right?”

I hate to admit it, but she actually is. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of Taylor Swift, she’s my guilty pleasure that I have no shame in admitting. There’s something about her cheesy tunes and her teenage girl lyrics that just relate to my life. Every time I hear one of her songs, there’ll always be at least one line or lyric that I’ll be able to apply to my life. I guess that’s how she sells her music, its real, its her experiences and almost every girl can relate.

But we can’t help be concerned for our lifelong friend Taylor. Almost every song written is her own, and based on her experiences with guys. That is an awful lot of boyfriends for a barely 20 something girl to have had. More power to her I say, I bet every guy in Hollywood is scared of dating her now, just in case she bitches about them in a song. Maybe it’ll make guys think about their behaviour.

So I thought I’d enlighten you on the genius and simplicity of Taylor Swift’s lyrics, and how they reflect the enigma that is my life. To be honest, not sure it’s an enigma if a generic American country song can sum it up, but hey ho here goes:

The music starts playing like the end of a sad movie, it’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.

Ahhh, Breathe, the duet between Taylor Swift and Colbie Caillat, two of my favourite country artists. These lyrics for me sum up how music reflects my life. When I’ve gone through a rough patch with a guy or if I’m feeling down about love, my IPod has this stupid little habit of playing all of the depressive songs it can muster in quick succession, usually driving me to tears or turning the thing off. And these lyrics really seem to embody the fact that music reflects life, and like it does in a movie, fits in with what’s happening in the scene.

And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance, in a storm in my best dress, fearless

This is one of the more positive of Taylor Swift’s songs, about being Fearless as the title suggests, and doing things you’d never usually do because you have someone there who makes you feel braver. And there’s not really a reason behind it, it’s just something that you feel and know is there. This relates to my life because, although I’ve never danced in the middle of a storm wearing my best dress (although I could imagine that being rather fun), I have been with someone who I feel completely free around and comfortable with, who brings out a different side to me.

This love is difficult, but it’s real

Love Story, Taylor Swift’s take on the classic Romeo and Juliet. It makes me think of a relationship I had or am technically still in the process of having that although something is hard, it is worth fighting for because of the nature of the feelings involved and how true they are. Romeo and Juliet kept their love a secret, but it didn’t make it any less real for them, and that rings true for a lot of things.

I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale, I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell, this ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down, now it’s too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Every girl cannot deny that they’ve always dreamt of the perfect fairy tale relationship with that perfect fairy tale ending, but White Horse demonstrates how girls are idealistic until it fails. Like many girls I’ve been in this position. I lost all perspective of realism and lived in my own little bubble where everything would be alright and perfect like a fairy tale despite its flaws. This is always a bad place to be when everything falls to pieces, because you become a cynic, and its very hard to open yourself up again because you’ve been hurt.

I take a step back, and let you go, I told you I’m not bulletproof now you know

I sometimes think that guys believe us girls are so strong that we can withstand anything. We might be strong, but we’re not that strong. Even the strongest of loves can take a bullet. This happened to me, a guy thinking I was mature enough to deal with our situation turning sour, pointing out this fact. This could only make me act more and more like an irrational child in a strop. He thought I was mature, but in the face of him ending things, I became like all the rest. He didn’t listen to me when I told him I wasn’t as mature as he thought.

Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide? Like a scared little boy, I looked into your eyes. Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

I’m sure every girls been there where she feels like she’s the one doing all the chasing. Guys are notorious for hating to get personal. My experience relating to this particular song lyric revolves around facebook. After being told by this guy that he liked me, the following day I asked him for a little more information about how he felt, given he just kind of word-vomited it up with little explanation. We got into quite a personal conversation, and I admitted that I thought about him a lot and I cared about him. He immediately logged off. Guess I was being too honest. This happened repeatedly, every time the conversation got too personal or sentimental, he just left and tried to forget that the conversation ever happened. Like when we talked about weddings because he was going to one…

I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me, coz I’m still trying figure it out

Like every girl, I’ve been through that self-discovery stage. For a long time, I wasn’t sure who I really was and what I really liked. It took a long time of trying on different personalities before I found one that suited me. I’m still unsure completely of my purpose in life, but I know who I am and what I stand for.

Wish I’d never grown up, I wish I’d never grown up

At the ripe old age of 16, 6 days away from turning 17, I’m rapidly growing up. I’ve always been a mature kid for my age, always the sensible one. But recently, I don’t like all of the responsibility I have for my life, and I long to go back to the time in my life where I had none and life was about having fun with your toys and friends, and the biggest drama was if you coloured outside of the lines in the colouring book.

The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy

I’ve always liked to have intelligent conversations, and I get a small thrill every time I retort with an amazing comeback tinted with sarcasm. With Leo, our form of flirting was debating, interwoven with compliments and 😉 emoticons. We were just two geeks with a lot in common.

This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go, I’m wonder-struck, blushing all the way home

After my first date with Leo, I sat on the bus with the hugest grin on my face and a crimson blush on my cheeks. I couldn’t believe how much fun we’d had and how much we’d talked about everything and nothing. Time flew.

She’s not a saint and she’s not what you think, she’s an actress, she’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress

Everyone knows that girl who comes across as little Miss Innocent yet is the biggest slag going. I know many, but most just skip out the innocent bit. I find it genius how the clever Ms Swift came up with actress rhyming with mattress. It’s the polite way of saying the truth: she’s a slag.

She thinks I’m psycho coz I like to rhyme her name with things

Ingenius, for creative song writer types like myself. I usually fail with rhyming one particular girl’s name with something because it’s just such a tricky name, therefore I reduce myself to writing verse criticising her in general.

And if you’re missing me you better keep it to yourself, because coming back around here would be bad for your health

If you live in a small town and you’re dating a girl from another small town, and you break that girls heart, here’s a tip: don’t go back to that town. People in small towns know everything about each other and they’re notoriously loyal. You might find yourself being driven out by an angry mob in defence of the girl. You have been warned.

So yes indeed, “Ahhh Taylor Swift you teenage pop sensation, why are you always right?”

The Calm Before The Storm

Today’s been a relatively laid back day.

My Dad has made no effort to talk to me (because for a 40 something year old male with a criminal record, the person that scares him probably the most is his almost 17 year old daughter), but he’s spoken to my mum. Sometimes I feel she’s the voice of reason in my household, giving my dad a semi-lecture this morning for his idiocy, then trying to make me and my sister cut him some slack. To be honest, just no. I can’t keep giving him chances. It sounds harsh, but he’s had so many chances from us that I just get more and more annoyed everytime he lets us down again. Pessimism teaches me not to expect anything from him, and it’s usually always right.

But today’s been very calm. After my glass of vodka and coke, followed almost immediately by vodka and shloer, I fell asleep at 12:30am and slept like a baby for almost 12 hours. Woke up feeling as good as a person suffering from a cold can feel. Lazed around watching a DVD for ages, and played around with my early birthday present, the Amazon Kindle E-Book Reader. I love this amazing little invention, technology never ceases to fascinate me. No mention of homework at all, no stress apart from my mum’s over her car, and pizza for dinner. What am I doing now? BBMing my friend Cath like I’ve done almost constantly over the past 3 days, and chilling out to my ITunes playlist. Life is better (y)

Next week’s gonna be so busy for me, doing a lot of filming for my media coursework, a film trailer, planning a little shopping trip to Camden, meeting up with my bitches at some point, going to a Boyzone concert, the possibility of starting work and my birthday’s on Sunday. And I still have that media mock exam to start and finish.

But a busy life is a good life in my opinion, since starting sixth form I haven’t sat still like this for ages. I like being busy, but I do relish days like today where anything goes and you can slob out watching DVD’s and drinking tea.

So, today is the calm before the chaos, hence the blog title, the calm before the storm

xx

Absolutely Livid

I’m absolutely livid, extremely annoyed and slightly tipsy. I am severely convinced that if it wasn’t for my sister and my friends I would actually be a murderer right now.

If there is one thing I hate more than anything in this world, it is two things: my stepmum, and the fact that some people in my life (including her) know how to push my buttons when wanting to get to me.

Important things to know about me. 1 is that I don’t give a damn what you say about me, I’m pretty much bulletproof in that respect, I don’t really care. It takes a lot to get to me in that way, because to be honest, I’m not bothered by it at all. For 3 years of my life I was bullied at school for being different, 2 years at primary and 1 at secondary, I’ve learnt to deal with stuff like that. I’ve heard every single criticism of myself in the eyes of others twenty times over, and I actually find it quite funny that people have run out of bad things to say about me so they just repeat the same thing over and over. I’ve had pisstakes about my surname, being called everything from Spicy Curry to Spice Rack, which I actually find quite funny. I’ve had the stigma of my hair for absolute yonks, it’s frizzy and afro like and for a while it was very short. Brilliant, give everyone who points it out a medal. I used to have very big eyebrows, which I now pluck, but people used to point at that. And I’m smart, to the point of being a geek. I don’t care to be honest, say what you like about me.

But when people use how close I am to my family to get to me, that is when I cannot tolerate things any longer, and that’s how I get angry and upset.

For example, tonight. Sister texted Dad asking if he was still going to buy me a car (he promised about a week ago), he said he couldn’t afford it at the moment. Fair enough, everyone’s finding it hard money wise at the moment. My Stepmum (crazy psychotic bitch that she is, and that’s not an overreaction believe you me), read his texts (like your bog standard distrusting wife, who’s also mentally unstable) and goes into one. She doesn’t see my sister and I as my dad’s actual children, we’re like demi children who do not compare to her little angels. Little angels my arse to be honest, they’re all little shits. She’s had it in her mind for years that we don’t matter and that our dad doesn’t have a financial obligation to us. Old issues really.

What really gets on my nerves and what really makes my blood boil is that everytime she wants to have a dig at me or my mum, she goes through my sister. Because my sister is the eternal daddy’s girl, she has this idealised view of our dad and her love is really unconditional for him. She’s very sensitive and finds it hard to fight back, getting upset easily. My bitch of a stepmother knows this, and so uses my sister as the middle man for the biggest effect. Because the manipulative hoe knows that the best way to get a rise out of me is to hurt my sister, because I’ve learnt to switch myself off from her shit. But my sister can’t.

So, whilst angry at the fact that my dad promised to buy me a car, my stepmum decides to ring my sister to have a go. Ummm, I think she’s got the wrong sister, it’s me she wants to yell at. But she can get a better rise out of me by going through her like she always done, and to be honest I’m fed up of my sister having to deal with it. She knows that if she rings me, I will yell at her like there’s no tomorrow and call her every name under the sun until I’m blue in the face. She can say all she wants and it won’t affect me. But making my sister cry brings it to a whole new level, and her refusal to talk to me drives me even more insane.

So, with my new found friend Vodka and Coke circulating in my system, I was looking for trouble. If she would’ve rang me, I’m convinced that things would’ve been made worse by my speaking to her. So luckily she didn’t, and my good friends as well as my sister have succeeded in calming me down.

What a bloody night

xx

Sorry Again

I have nothing of substance to say once again.

My cold seems to have only got worse since the last time I posted, to the point where I came home from school early. What an amazing life I lead.

I need the kind of pick me up that only indulgence in a ton of chocolate, tea, PJ’s and disney films can provide.

Hopefully when I’m better I’ll post a more decent amount that actually is worth reading.

xx